The following is a short
collection of some humorous jokes and stories, many of which have circulated
among our alpaca community.
The New Alpaca Stud
The Two-Alpaca Explanation
The New Alpaca
Three alpaca studs
overheard the farmer say that he was going to bring yet another stud onto the
ranch. This prospect brought about the following discussion.
First Stud: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our
differences, we agreed that 100 girls would be mine. Now, I don't know
where this newcomer is going to get HIS girls, but I aint' givin' him any of
Second Stud: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and
have earned my right to the 40 girls that are presently mine. I'll fight 'em
till I run him off, but I AM KEEPIN' ALL MY FEMALES."
Third Stud: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me
have 10 girls. I may not be as big as you fellows yet but I'm young and virile,
so I simply MUST keep all my girls."
They had no sooner finished their big talk when a large trailer pulls up in the
middle of the pasture with only one alpaca in it: the biggest male Alpaca these
guys had ever seen! Looking to be nearly 200 pounds, each step he
took toward the ground strained the wood ramp to the breaking point.
First Stud: "You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was
doing all my dams justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new
Second Stud: "I'll have plenty of females to take care of if I just stay on the
opposite end of the pasture from him. I'm certainly not looking for an
From behind them they heard the sound of a male
They turned around to see the third stud putting on quite a show. He was
standing as tall as he could with his neck stretched long. His nose was pointed
high into the air; his nostrils flared.
First Stud: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have
some of your females and live to tell about it."
Third Stud: "Why, he can have ALL MY GIRLS. I'm just making sure he knows I'M a
THE "TWO-ALPACA EXPLANATION"
OF WHAT MAKES...
A CHRISTIAN: You have two alpacas. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A COMMUNIST: You have two alpacas. The government seizes both and provides you
A FASCIST: You have two alpacas. The government seizes both and sells you the
fleece. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
A REPUBLICAN: You have two alpacas. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT: You have two alpacas. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being successful. You vote people into office who tax your alpacas, forcing you
to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take
the tax money and buy an alpaca and give it to your neighbor. You feel
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two alpacas. The government taxes you to the
point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only
one alpaca, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two alpacas. You sell one, buy a stud, and
build a herd of alpacas.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two alpacas. The government takes them
both, shoots one, shears the other, pays you for the fleece, then composts the
AN AMERICAN FARM: You have two alpacas. You sell one, and force the other to
produce the fleece of four alpacas. You are surprised when the alpaca drops
A FRENCH FARM: You have two alpacas. You go on strike because you
Want three alpacas.
A JAPANESE FARM: You have two alpacas. You redesign them so they are one-tenth
the size of an ordinary alpaca and produce twenty times the fleece.
A GERMAN FARM: You have two alpacas. You reengineer them so they live for 100
years, eat once a month, and shear themselves.
AN ITALIAN FARM: You have two alpacas but you don't know where they are. You
break for lunch.
AN INDIAN FARM: You have two alpacas. You worship them.
A RUSSIAN FARM: You have two alpacas. You count them and learn you have five
alpacas. You count them again and learn you have 42 alpacas. You count them
again and learn you have 12 alpacas. You stop counting alpacas and open another
bottle of vodka.